The day before day one...

I am nervous.  I have tried to lose weight for about 5 years now.  I have not been very successful.  I like to blame my thyroid.  I like to blame my bummed out knees.  But really, it is me.  My motivation.  My go-get-em-ness has just run out.  I have tried no carbs...low carbs...hungry girl...eating all whole grains...sparkpeople...weight watchers...I have stuck with nothing.  I don't want my children to think that I can not do this.  I want to stop thinking myself that I can not do this.  I know two different people that have lost a pretty large amount of weight in the past year.  Neither of them really will say how they did it.  I asked one girl if it was low carb, low fat, sparkpeople...what?  She said...all of the above.  What the hell.  Low carb and low fat are NOT the same.  Sparkpeople is baby steps at a time, not low carb at all.  It's so confusing.  I know so much about healthy lifestyles and losing weight and somewhere in the jumble....I know TOO much.  I mix up info.  I combine different theories.  I start low carb one day, and it lasts about a week, and then...I see a really great looking oatmeal recipe for breakfast, and I stop low carbing and start eating this amazing oatmeal.  But, I think it negates what I have tried to do with the one type of diet.  I wish there was a genuine real deal answer out there.  I know...eat healthy and exercise.  But the big questions are...what is healthy anymore?  Everyday a new type of eating is healthy.  Trying low carb, I learned fruits weren't necessarily good for you....so depressing.  When I think healthy food, in my own little mind, I think fresh fruits and veggies.  Fresh meats and grains cooked at home.  Not a lot of salt.  Not a lot of sugar, but not artificial sugars either, like splenda.  And this is exactly how I ate for years, and how I feed my children, but somewhere along the way...I got fat.  My boys are not fat, they are very healthy.    And, now that I am fat, I hate exercising.  There is nothing like seeing the fat girl out there trying to exercise.  I hate how I look in my mind.  I hate how I think others look at me.  I hate going anywhere, because I hate wearing clothes.  They make me feel even fatter.  I weighed myself today, and I have tipped the scales at 204.  I am only 5'4".  I want to cry.  I want to scream.  I want to look up what they did to lose weight in the 1950's when people didn't have so many contradicting theories running around.  I feel like there is no answer out there for me.  This eat healthy and exercise theory is just too vague.  There are so many different ways of eating, and everyone claims to be the healthiest.  Why can't anyone be straight forward anymore.  It's like it is some big secret that once someone has lost weight they don't want to share.  Why not???